13 Things for ’13

  1. Write a long list of all the people named Julia Child.
  2. Stop trying to be a steak bikini.
  3. Find a way to wake up inside the person you’d like to be and fool this person’s family, friends and associates for as long as possible.
  4. Jump up and down on a stack of DVDs.
  5. Ask yourself a magic question, then put $5 in jar.
  6. Imagine your brain as a single scoop of ice cream that curves at the halfway point toward the Equator.
  7. Meditate on Tony Robbins and George Will grooming each other.
  8. Perform simple tasks using a mirror.
  9. Exercise while eating raw vegetables.
  10. Redefine your definition of “religious fanatic”, “Adam Lambert” and “frozen snapper”.
  11. Join a weeping circle under the alias “James Bond” or “Lara Croft”.
  12. Create a private daily movie in your mind and edit it down to a single frame containing the greatest number of birds or light fixtures or birds on light fixtures.
  13. Practice slowing down the metabolism of strangers.


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