Say It For the Both of Us

Say it for the both of us:
“This is a small pile of big roller skates.”

Now say it for the both of us like you mean it, but I don’t:
“This is a small pile of big roller skates.”

Now say it for the both of us like you, yourself, are ambivalent about it, but you’re absolutely certain that I 100% really mean it:
“This is a small pile of big roller skates.”

Now say it for the both of us like on a scale of 1 to 10 – with 1 being you don’t mean it at all and 10 being you really do mean it – you mean it somewhere around a 7 or 8 and I mean it about, let’s say, around a 3.5-3.6:
“This is a small pile of big roller skates.”

Now say it for the both of us only this time, you mean it at about a 4 and I mean it at an 8…no…make that an 8.5:
“This is a small pile of big roller skates.”

Now say it for the both of us like we don’t mean it at all, we know it’s a flat out lie, a complete fabrication, but we need to be convincing because it’s the only way – listen to me here – it’s the only way out of a very complicated, and dangerous, predicament…a predicament in which the only means of our avoiding utter ruin of biblical proportions is to say it in a manner that convinces some very unpleasant fellows that we mean it like we’ve never ever in both our lives have meant anything else so much as we mean this:
“This is a small pile of big roller skates.”

Now say it for the both of us like you’re saying it under the previous conditions, we know it’s lie, but we face ruin of biblical proportions, etc., etc., etc. BUT – and this is where it gets tricky – BUT with just enough of a hint, just a little, little, tiny, tiny tinge in there of ironic insincerity that in the event the room is bugged and being monitored by MI6 – which I’m 70% sure that in this scenario it is – and the feed is being listened to by a top-notch agent specializing in vocal nuances, he or she would be able to pick up on the fact that we don’t mean it at all and hear that slight je ne sais quoi that is in fact the mayday call it is intended to be:
“This is a small pile of big roller skates.”

Now say it as if you’re saying it for the both of us for the last time, but feel neither sadness nor relief:
“This is a small pile of big roller skates.”

Good. In fact, better than good. Bravissima!

Now onto today’s lesson about styles of hats worn in the 1930’s…

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