10 Aphorisms

Always err on the side of sedatives.

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth without a two-way mirror.

Measure twice, cut once. Measure three times, triangulate always.

Stay in school, unless it’s slowly flooding or being demolished.

It takes a village to raise a child the exact height of all the people in the village using a manual winch.

Vampires do not throw a shadow, but they do throw knives on occasion.

Your reach should exceed your grasp, but not enough that you get a reputation for being handsy.

Stick to your guns the way food sticks to your ribs.

Walk softly, but carry a loud stick.

Experience is the best teacher, except in cases of your own death.

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