Jesus Is a Different Cat Entirely

Not everyone has a God who is infinite
like a nurse with infinite lung capacity
periodically blowing violent bursts of air into
the heart with a straw.

Not everyone knows the risks of
becoming infected by
God’s wounds.

Not everyone believes God
can shave her own leg
with her other leg.

And yet, God will always be everywhere –
in the majority of hurt feelings,
in a piece of broken glass or
a knife stepped on while cooking
or scraping off liquid bandages
to make liquid bandage scrape margaritas,
in an inordinately powerful hunger for
a warm moist environment like a mare’s ears,
in stings around the jaw and eyes.

God is that unimplantable which
can be implanted.

God is the guitar solo
of the song hidden inside
the lyrics to another song.

God is a pleated skirt
that you can wear forever
or a tuxedo made of bacon that
never spoils or requires
dry cleaning.

But Jesus?

Jesus pushed my upper body upright all night
when I tried to sleep.

Jesus worked at a college on the maintenance staff
and didn’t use organic fertilizer
and was fine with it.

Jesus poured a bottle of rubbing alcohol and some peroxide into
my gas tank and my car never drove the same.

Jesus put a white sheet over his head, snuck up behind me,
stuck a railroad spike between my L4 and L5
and said “Boo! I’m phantom pain! Get it? Phantom pain!”

Jesus ruined a brand new white sofa of mine –
spectacularly – just by lying down on it.


That Jesus is a different cat entirely.

Previous Post
Leave a comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: