What I mean is – I know what you mean

What I mean is —
I know what you mean.

You’re a highly successful model
decorated with red white and blue
crepe paper pulling a
hovercraft filled with plastic reindeer

and yet you feel like you’ve
skipped over a critical step

that there’s a ball somewhere
you never put through a basketball hoop
in a gym you’ve never seen

that there’s a plastic cafeteria chair
perfectly molded to the shape of your ass
you’ll never sit in

there were hiding places you hadn’t thought of
at the time that would have been perfect
and you still could be hiding there if you had wanted to

that there’s a missing slice of brain tissue
you could have sectioned properly
and set in slides
or left in a pizza box
to be eaten by your sorority house’s cats.

that somewhere there is a commercial bakery oven
you never put cupcakes in –
and that person putting cupcakes in
should have been you and the man
putting his hand on the hand of the
woman pulling the cupcakes out of the oven
should have also been you
and there should have been little you’s
popping out of the cupcakes like champagne corks
saying “Do I look familiar?”
before you collapse on the floor of your
cupcake emporium due to psychosis brought about by
a combination of a caffeine allergy and work stress

that there’s a chink of hardwood missing somewhere
from a hardwood floor that perfectly matches
the piece of hardwood in the envelope
your father should have given you on his deathbed
saying “You’ll know when it’s the right time to open this.”

that there are machines you should have laboured over
for hours and there is soot from those machines
that you should have been covered with

but baby, listen
maybe not everyone rides with a spare helmet
maybe there will always be things to push aside
in order to go round the bend
and maybe the bend breaks you
and maybe the things you pushed aside
you meet again at the bottom of the bend

but until then, you’re stuck in some limbo
where you have a lot of unfinished business
and don’t know where to even start

Is that what you mean?

Am I even close?

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