Melinda Gates Wants to Decompose Your Skin

Where some may settle for
the arms of death
Melinda Gates wants
to decompose your skin.
to break up the ice, to free
My Grandma’s World vs imprisoning
all her Sweet memories in F#m minor.

“The same Melinda Gates who uses her gifts
to heal the hurts left by mouthwash
six billion years older than we thought?” you ask.

“Yes, this is the woman of whom I speak,” I answer.
“For there is only one Melinda Gates in the world. ”

*         *         *         *         *

They say she has an acne wand
that can give four types of acne –
bacne, buttne, throatne, tailne –
and soon the wand will work on
others.

*         *         *         *         *

Whether she is biting into a hamburger,
riding a bicycle, or reading a book,
Melinda Gates is always thinking about the
process of designing, testing and perfecting
a burger suitable for entry into the embryo.

*         *         *         *         *

Who’s that girl with the unhinged sandwich tambourine,
meaty dino flesh and a really long list of lawyers?

Who spent her Epic powder days
boosting hot pink vans plastered with
eye-catching Deep-Sea Creatures?

Who’s an expert at aerial refeulng?

Who believes the bones are merely a suggestion
of the person on the outside?

Not Mrs. Steve Jobs, that’s for sure.

*         *         *         *         *

Melinda Gates has studied the habits of
the help, and finds them to be things
the help keeps on doing over time.

*         *         *         *         *

Melinda Gates knows
no one wants to wear a greasy glass jar
to Fashion Week
or touch the bottom of the oldest man-made pothole
with their tongues.

And that’s a big part of what makes her so appealing.

But Melinda Gates also believes
every child deserves the chance
to kill remotely
via a long-range dinosaur drone.

And that’s an even bigger part of what makes her so appealing.

*         *         *         *         *

Imagine a young Melinda Gates

yes, in those days
her voice was
Less Deep
but still had that quality of
her being buried deep in the ground,
her face had only the “appearance of being true.”

those were the days her mouth would be loaded up with ice
and she’d off to the hunt
quite happily
mumbling through the ice
“ibbb hrrrrphph eeeee eh rooow wwhhaaa uhh eeeerrr”

Such a precious wonder!

*         *         *         *         *

Have you ever played the Melinda Gates game?

you let lard spiral
across the
carpet,
then see if it resembles Melinda Gates

if it doesn’t,
you clean the carpet with an anti-lard
machine and try again

it’s even worse than baseball

(and up until now, the only thing worse than baseball
was listening to George Will talk about baseball)

*         *         *         *         *

she would not go as far to say
surgery is last refuge
for those lacking the power
to self-heal –
but I bet she’s thought it alright.

*         *         *         *         *

those who don’t really know Melinda Gates
spread malicious rumors about Melinda Gates
how she aches just like a woman
she makes love just like a woman,
but when the pate is not up to snuff
she breaks and cries like a billionaress
“Who the fuck is responsible for this
abhorrent slop? You call this pate?
You should call this ‘somebody shate'”

But I imagine the real Melinda Gates
really just wants all children to be happy –
because happy children don’t steal lawn ornaments,
they merely try to feed them donuts.

*         *         *         *         *

her motorcade is more spectacular
than Vice Presidents Bidens motorcade
because, by law, his not allowed to include
shetland ponies.

*         *         *         *         *

What happens when Melinda Gates
sweats the small stuff
is that it comes out of her pores
as a pleasing glaze, slightly sweet,
slightly fruity, with hints of almonds and chocolate.

*         *         *         *         *

If you ask Melinda Gates if she blew bubbles as a kid,
she’ll change the subject, but it is worth noting
that bubbles was not invited to the wedding.
He did however send a very nice crystal punch bowl –
because that bubbles is all class.

*         *         *         *         *

I guess my all-time favorite thing about Melinda Gates
is that she ends all of her emails and texts
with the valediction
“until we meet in Valhalla”

almost like she’s saying
“work hard and maybe someday you can
come skiing with Bill and I.”

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