Instructions for “Revelation I”

Have someone with nice penmanship write out the entire Book of Revelation in cursive across on your naked body.

Walk to a nearby full-length mirror and read the text out loud as you see it in the mirror (i.e. backwards) phonetically.

Have a nearby scribe write down your observations on a scroll.

Petition Rome to have your scroll amended to the New Testament.

Instructions for “Irish Dance for Mud or Water”


Basic Performance:

Find a willing Irish Dance troupe.

Have the Irish Dance troupe perform a traditional Irish Dance
hip-deep in a mud pit or a shallow body of water.


Alternative choreography:

Have the dancers sink deeper and deeper
into the mud or water during their performance
until they are no longer visible.

After several minutes, have a Chinook helicopter
appear in the sky from behind nearby mountains
and land near the performance space.

Have the members of the Irish Dance troupe
exit the helicopter with a triumphant flourish.

instructions for salt crowbar

acquire a crowbar. replicate it in salt.
go to a locked place that you always
wanted to enter. attempt to pry open
the door with your salt crowbar. if it
breaks before you are inside, repeat
this process until you are where you
want to be.

score for texting orchestra

arrange for a full symphony orchestra to be on stage giving a concert before an audience. equip each member of the orchestra with a cellphone. throughout the performance, text each member of the orchestra one by one. instruct each orchestra member that when they receive a text, they are to stop playing, take out their cellphones and engage in a text chat. instruct the conductor to continue to conduct the ever-dwindling number of orchestra members still playing an instrument. once all players have received their texts, the conductor should be left conducting an orchestra which is entirely silent and engaged in text chats for at least a full minute. text the conductor and continue the performance in utter silence for a suitable period of time.

alternate scoring:

have the audio notification of each text message sent and received by the performers amplified throughout the P.A. system, so that just prior to receiving his own text message, the conductor is “conducting” to a cacophony of text message notifications.

How to Make Site-Specific Public Art With a Personal Touch

Travel to
a public place.

your knuckles

tap everything
you suspect
may be

Big Mac with Glass (Instructions for Highly-Dangerous Home Art Installation)

Purchase a Big Mac.

Purchase an aesthetically-pleasing pedestal.

Purchase a beverage packaged in a glass bottle.

Smash the bottle and carefully place the shards of glass in a bag.

Unwrap the Big Mac and place as many shards of glass as you can inside of the Big Mac.

Recycle any leftover shards.

Place the altered Big Mac on the pedestal in prominent place in your home.

Place a small sign next to the Big Mac reading “Do Not Eat.”

Wall off room from children, pets, illiterates or individuals unable to control urges to consume a Big Mac regardless of all warnings.


Outline for a Performance of “Furious Rabies”


because this is the only period.
the speech disturbance
is performed on two stages
designed to permit
a sustained duration
where a healthy improvement of being
is all but impossible


the performers are
four hundred sixty-seven patients
who number the days all differently
providing shades of yellow as numbers
and meet the lifting prerequisites


1. calling
2. the level of inquiry
3. the first known instance of a color
4. mechanisms that occur during the red phase and contribute to only a marginal present
5. the enumeration of all things which may cause changes to the flaccid hind limb


1. re-calling
2. center average age by nerve transfer
2. a count of multiple open sores that go all the way to the bone
3. the root radiating (along a sensation in the foot)
4. an acute, progressive, ascending motor
5. (characterized by) an inability to see through a course of the night


1. calling (redux by way of recall)
2. four stages of pupils too small to reach
3. a three wheel Ancient Battlefield
4. the longest COIN continuosly running
5. to much with things as dawn to ground events

Recitation of Oath of Allegiance by Audience Following Attempt at Mass Hypnosis

“I add this tentacle to all my hands. I add this tentacle to my blood fist. I call the King Fly perfectly. There was a small swelling organ in tapping mode. Spatter, like it was, a more public look. We, all those accustomed to waking up. We, who pledge this on our ledges. We, who leave to stare into the abyss without seeing. We promise to prove the world or ourselves wrong.”

Instructions for Performance of “The Anchor of the Flowers (a Surrealist Drama)”

surrealist play | collage poem

a part of the identification of unusual activity assigned review

I. Preliminary Instructions

Enter the street.
If the location of the street,
is different from the street,
re-enter the street
by entering the location.

If the location where activity occurred
is different from the location of
activity occurring on the street,
change the location.


II. What We Know So Far

30 type of documents
are on the scene of what appears to be
this morning
in a recent series
in Massachusetts
in New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Maine

[sometimes this information is combined with other information
in greater context]

The overnight fire occurred.
Who is conducting the suspicious activity?

[sometimes there is suspicious activity and it is assumed the suspicious activity is caused by human agents]

white text on black background?
not today

[sometimes there is white text on black background, but this can also imply that white black text on a black background is simply unheard of or looked upon skeptically by the graphic design geniuses who rule the universe (see related discussion of the Higgs-Boson findings reported in Comic-Sans font)]

challenging the conventional theory
about the girl with hair
recognition software

[our software had crashed and we are unable to process further thoughts]


III. Locations

where one
or any generic
over night as a

over or where
a generic medium
suspends night
as any one voice

as a medium night or
where one suspends
any generic voice-over


IV. Further Instructions

stay in place
and block the


V. Addendum To Further Instructions

keep your eye on the hand on the candles
poured the day before
using short easy strokes again and again
combined with mouth sores, cuts and deep pain
regardless of the reasons


VI. The “Reader’s Digest” Version Of The Steps Involved In The Special Bend

[this section has been scraped off]


VII. Future Expectations

after polishing, we will
make a mold of it so
it can be repeated
after polishing


VIII. On The Reminiscence Of The Mock Corpses

body positioning
unwilling victims

is not recommended,
but is fine is some cases

use your judgment


IX. Note Bene

Every single part of the body or face can be produced mechanically.


X. Molto Importante!

If Atlanta appears suspicious, DO NOT OPEN IT!


the vocabulary




recognition errors

however, some


correcting errors

learn from them,


to happen

can experiment with


to correct



to correct

[entirely by voice,
but also

typing over,
and more]


to see

what you prefer
in a given situation.

found poem w/ slight erasures, source: Quick Reference Card to Dragon Naturally Speaking 11.5