Once a year, I send a check for my Eagles season tickets to my buddy Mark. Most people in my situation would just put the check in an envelope and mail it. But most people were not raised by my mother. My mom somehow got it in my head that that any envelope that clearly had a check inside of it would be opened and the check would be stolen. This was a fait accompli. So even though I know that is not the case, whenever I mail this particular check to Mark, I wrap the check in what I call “The Mail Bandit Baffler”, which is typically a bizarre drawing using a Sharpie that would leave any potential mail bandits thinking “There obviously isn’t a check in here, since this is clearly being sent by someone in a mental institution.”

The great irony, is that Mark and I will both be attending a graduation party this afternoon and I will in all likelihood simply hand him the check, but wrapped in the Mail Bandit Baffler.